Back to School?

Dear parents,  

 

Are you concerned about sending your child back to school?  

Covid 19 has thrown many of us into a somewhat negative slump. We have begun to question the safety and certainty of our lives, as well as the lives of our children. We don’t know if our spouses will have work in the near future. We don’t even know when schools will reopen (if schools will reopen at all). However, instead of panicking, why not turn this uncertainty into a positive? Why not take your child’s learning into your own hands? Why not start home-schooling?

I suppose you are wondering what home-schooling is. According to the Policy on Home Education 2018; “The character of Home Education represents and honours the parents’ wish to personally facilitate the education of her or his child in the family home.” Therefore, as a homeschooling parent you take full responsibility for your child’s education. You will therefore be permitted to teach your child anything, in any way as long as it is not inferior to the standard of education in public schools. You can either teach your child personally, or you could hire a tutor to do so.  

          

Sounds appealing right? The next question would then be, “Where do you start?”. You as the parent or guardian, must apply to the Head of your Provincial Department of Education to register. This can be done by filling in a form online at- www.education.gov.za. As a homeschooler you may want to make use of a curriculum provider such as Edu-Croft. https://www.educroft.com/  

What advantages does homeschooling give me? 

As a homeschooler my whole life, I have many stories I could share with you. Many experiences and techniques which one could say, have given me an advantage in my adult life. For instance, Homeschooling allowed me to learn about the world through literature. Reading, writing and arithmetic were the three most important things we focused on while I was growing up. We would read novels such as ‘Hans Brinker and the Sliver Skates’, after which we would study the history and geography of Holland. Following this, we would then write summaries of what we had read or diary entries about what we had learned throughout the day.  

 

My mother taught us routine and organisational skills by helping create and stick to daily schedules. These would include household chores, general hygiene and neatness, before beginning school at 08h00 each morning. Having a designated study area outside of our bedrooms, programmed our minds to focus while sitting at our desks. In contrast relaxing would take place in our rooms; therefore, concentration was not a problem.  

 

All this time together helped contribute to the close relationship my brothers, mother and I now share. We were and still are, a close family. Having good communication with my family allowed my mother to keep an eye on my health. Hospital visits became field trips (of which there were many). Doctors’ appointments became Doctors’ interviews: we would ask them questions about their procedures, motivations, and inspirations. Trips like these prevented anxiety because the focus was on understanding the science. 

 

 Homeschooling has made me who I am today. I value learning and education and I have worked in Early Childhood Development as a Directress and as a Highschool tutor. These are some of the best decisions I ever made. Studying will always be a lifelong pursuit for me. My brothers and I have powerful levels of self-discipline which influences our own work ethics – motivating us to perform to the best of our ability; intellectually, emotionally and physically.  

 

Are these not life skills and qualities you would hope to instil in your children? Homeschooling is an effective vehicle to accomplish this.   

TSC is a Mountain.

I have a friend who is a mountain climber, a dangerous sounding sport right? However when I asked him about it, he confidently stated; “It’s not the sport that is dangerous it’s gear fear.” Gear fear is when you don’t believe that the equipment you are using will keep you safe. It is the same reason skydivers’ release their parachutes too early, ending up tangled, as the parachute malfunctions. This got me thinking… I have been in and out of hospitals for 23 years, and yet I am still sceptical of the usual set of scans and new medications. Why??

What triggers these internal concerns?? Theoretically it is gear fear. What if the medication does not work? What if the MRI or EEG machines malfunction? My worst has always been what if I have a seizure, because of the medication, and never wake up?

Yes children have these thoughts too. Ever since I was old enough to understand, I have had these worries. Parents tend to forget that children (regardless of age) do understand. It is natural for parent to try and hide their fear, but children pick up on it, and it becomes their fear. That is most dangerous part of climbing this mountain.

However if we just trusted that the mechanics who built the machines knew what they were doing, and that the doctors who use them, know what they are doing, our stress levels would be halved. Furthermore medication technology is being developed each and every day. So if one medication does not work, you need to move to the next one until, you find one that does. Eventually, balance is found, and results or solutions are established.

 

Christiaan Minnaar: 

My Husband

Mountains are not easy to climb; a lot of strength and discipline is required. Even so, being afraid of the equipment, (used to get you to the top) or giving up completely is not an option. TSC is a mountain. We have to keep climbing. Perhaps one day we will reach the top. Perhaps one day, a cure will be discovered.           

Spectacular Bonding Moments.

Then you get those moments... moments when you are seizure free, and you forget all about the 'what ifs'. Moments when you feel like climbing a mountain, only to yell at the top of your lungs; "Come on world! I've got this!" Moments of pure bliss. 

Recently my husband and I, (along with the rest of the family), took a little trip to Mtwalume KZN. For the first time, in a long time, I was not calculating the distance to the nearest hospital, I was not worried about the amount of medication I had, or when I should take it, I was just... present. Some of you may be asking; "So what?" or "How is this relevant to me?" Well the thing is... I am want you would call a 'happy worrier'. I don't usually feel as though I have thought something through thoroughly, if I have not worried about it for at least 24 hours!! Silly I know... but to some extent this vacation was somewhat a small accomplishment for me.

Along with this, I feel as though some of you could relate to this. Whether you are an adult, a parent, or a child with TSC, we have all to some extent allowed it to hold us back. Our worrying hinders us from experiencing the world around us; because we have so many 'what ifs' trudging through our brains, in super slow motion. So in a way, this story is relevant. 

During this holiday, I was hoping to cautiously challenge myself, aiming to engage all my senses in feeling my surroundings. I began, (naturally) with the ocean. Swimming in the sea, has not been at the top of my 'to do list' for about ten years. Usually, I sit on the shore observing people, while reading or writing. However, not this time. "Come in..." my husband requested coaxingly, while gently wading into the water. Hesitatingly I paused as the water reached my knees. My husband, father, and brothers on the other hand, waded in with a Body board, up to just before the breakers.Standing there, watching them, I embraced the ocean with all of its power. Initially the waves surged forward, forcing my knees to lock, before suddenly retreating as if to intentionally trip me. Over and over this happened. Tasting the salt. Hearing the crash, sizzle, of the waves. Smelling the wet sand. Seeing the horizon go on for kilometers before me. It was breath taking! 

Eventually, wading to the shore where my mother sat, she appeared slightly concerned. As she peered up at me, I couldn't help but giggle. "You see the waves ma?" I inquired rhetorically. "That is what my brain feels like when I have a seizure. As the waves build up, I feel the seizure approaching. Once the wave crash, the seizure has landed. As the race to the shore once again, I feel the after effects." I smiled. "I was worried about you, so far in." she responded gazing out at my father and brothers. It was relieving to finally give her a physical visual, after all these years, of clumsy explanation. 

Mtwalume Beach

Our vacation ended up being a spectacular bonding moment for us all. No one worried, no one calculated distances to or from medical services. Joy and splendor reigned supreme, and for a split second it was as if all of Life's bliss radiated from the ocean itself.                  

Do you Embrace Life, or Fear it?

People all around the world, are judged, criticized, and compared by others on a daily basis. People are always feeling this constant pressure, to be perfect. Parents and children, with any type of chronic disease, end up being incredibly self conscious about themselves. TSC more often then not, causes outward manifestations on the surface of the skin; i.e. Angiofibromas (facial lesions), and Hypopigmented Macules (white leaf shaped patches on the limbs). These outward "side effects" cause us to stand out more. Consequently, human nature, causes us to be a bit more paranoid than our peers.

When I was eighteen, I asked my father, if at any stage he was ashamed of my condition. His response surprised me. "Yes," he said in deep contemplation, "I was embarrassed for you, watching people stare at you. People are stupid, it really irritates me, because the are ignorant, they are always suggesting things; "have you seen this dermatologist?" or "here let us pray for you". As your father I feel as though I have to fix your face. But even if I was a millionaire I would not be able to fix your face." As a parent you want to protect your child, or children, you want to help them, or "fix" them. This is understandable. 

I had fallen in love, with the Montessori method, because of her focus on independence. Allow me to explain. As a parent, you feel the need to protect your child, this we have established. However, (based on observation) I have come to realize, there is a thin line between protecting and coddling children. Unfortunately, coddled children posses the following characteristics; firstly, laziness; "Oh, I can't learn to do that, because I have TSC." Secondly, Fear; "Oh no! am I allowed to bake? What if I have a seizure and burn myself? Am I allowed to swim? What if I have a seizure and drown?" And thirdly, manipulation; "Stacy's mom, my blood sugar has dropped, if you don't give us desert, I'm going to have a seizure." Please understand what I am trying to say. Children do not have to have a chronic disease the develop these traits. However, it is easy for children with a chronic disease such as TSC to develop a victim mentality. 

Once this happens, you end up with another problem; low confidence. What people have called "low confidence" is actually just fear... allowing fear to control you, which brings us back to independence. I'm not saying, do not keep your children safe, I'm saying allow them to experience life. even simple things make a difference. "Here Sweetie, you carry your school bag today." "Wow! Josh, you climbed the rope ladder all by yourself!" "Here, it is your turn to flip the pancake Stacy." Why? Why do this? Well, if their is one thing I know it is this; blaming people is easy, blaming a disease is easier. It becomes an excuse to hide, and the more you hide, the more difficult is to smile. I'm not talking about a mask, I'm talking about sincerity, it become difficult to be sincere. The best thing my parents ever did, was teach me independence, never hide, stay honest, stay in communication, and stay kind. You get two types of parent - One who embraces life, and one who fears it...

Which one are you?